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While assault or rape by an attacker is
never the victim's fault, there are a few
things students can keep in mind
While out on a date
The unfortunate statistic is that 90
percent of rapes occur between people who
already knew each other and that
approximately half of rapes happen on dates.
This is commonly known as "date rape" or
"acquaintance rape."
While sexual
assault and rape by an attacker is never the
victim's fault, there are a few things women
can bear in mind:
-
Take your time in getting
to know your companion or “date.” Don't
spend time alone with someone who makes
her feel uneasy or uncomfortable. This
means following your instincts and
removing herself from situations that
you don't feel good about.
-
Stay with a group of
people. Avoid risky areas, such as
deserted areas.
-
Avoid excessive alcohol.
According to the Journal of Studies on
Alcohol, more than 70,000 students
between the ages of 18 and 24 have been
victims of alcohol-related sexual
assault or date rape.
-
Be alert for possible use
of “date rape drugs” such as Rohypnol,
which is illegal in the United States.
Someone can slip it into a drink. It
causes drowsiness, a loss of
coordination, dizziness and memory loss.
Never take drinks from other people and
don’t leave your drink unattended.
-
Tell someone you trust
your date’s name, destination and
planned time of return.
-
Take money for a phone
call and taxi fare with you.
More campus safety tips:
While walking around campus
-
Survey the campus after
dark to see that buildings, walkways,
quadrangles and parking lots are
adequately secured, lighted and
patrolled.
-
Avoid walking alone if
possible.
-
Walk with an air of
confidence and stay alert.
-
Walk in lighted areas.
-
Keep your hand free, not
overloaded.
-
Have your keys ready.
-
If you are being
followed: cross the street, scream, run
to an occupied residence or store, or
flag down a car.
At dorm rooms
-
Doors and windows to your
residence hall should be equipped with
quality locks. Room doors should have
peepholes and deadbolts.
-
Do not loan out your key.
Never compromise your safety for a
roommate or friend who wants the door
left unlocked. Replace locks when a key
is lost or stolen.
-
Use caution admitting
strangers.
-
Have good lighting around
entrances.
-
If you are a woman and
live alone or with other women, use only
your first initials on your mailbox and,
when possible, in phone directories.
-
Report suspicious
activity to campus police—or to the
police if you live off-campus.
While in your car
-
Keep windows up and doors
locked.
-
Park in well-lighted
areas and travel on populated,
well-lighted streets.
-
Never pick up
hitchhikers.
-
If you have car trouble,
signal for help by raising the hood or
tying a white handkerchief to the door
handle.
Back
to the top
PROTECTING CHILDREN & TEENS
It is very important to approach the subject
of safety in a non-threatening way. We do
not want to make children fearful of
potentially dangerous situations or people
in general, but we do want to teach them to
be cautious and to be able to recognize when
something may be wrong.
The key is to help children feel empowered
and to encourage them to develop and trust
their intuition. We want to teach them to be
able to talk to you, their caregiver, when
something is bothering them. Open
communication between parents and children
is one of the most important aspects to
protecting your child from predators.
10 SAFETY TIPS EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW:
-
THE KEY IS COMMUNICATION:
It is important to talk openly with your
children about all safety issues,
including what to do in a potential
abduction situation.
-
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER:
Talk to your children about the rules
pertaining to strangers. Let them know a
stranger or predator looks just like any
other person and will use any number of
ways to lure a child. Remember, the vast
number of children who are victimized
know their assailants.
-
COMMON PREDATOR LURES:
Pretending to look for a lost pet;
asking the child for directions; giving
or promising candy and/or money if the
child will go to their car; and,
threatening to hurt family members if
the child does not comply. It’s time for
your child to run!
-
Never label clothing, backpacks, or
other personal items with your child's
name. A predator will use this
information to try to gain your child’s
trust. (Place the label inside the
object and/or use the child’s initials
or some design for easy identification.)
-
Give your children instructions on what
to do if they get separated from you in
a mall, supermarket or any other public
place. Tell them to first find a mother
with children or any woman and let them
know they are lost. Also they can go to
a check-out counter, information desk,
or approach a police officer.
-
Make sure that your child knows his or
her full name, address, and phone number
and the phone number for the place where
you work or how to contact you. They
also need to know how to dial 911, make
collect calls, and dial the operator on
a pay phone.
-
Know where your children are at all
times, and keep a list of their friend’s
names, addresses and phone numbers and
remember to update your children’s
records including a photo every 6-12
months. Be aware of overnight parties
unless you personally know and trust the
teens and adults living and having
access to that home.
-
Trust your own instincts – if you don’t
feel good about a person, keep your
child away from that person.
-
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE:
Going over this information once with
your children is not enough! You need to
continue to rehearse and “role play” to
make the learning permanent so your
child can react properly when under
pressure.
-
IF YOUR CHILD IS MISSING:
Try not to panic. First check everywhere
in the house, then check with your
neighbors and your child's friends. If
you still cannot locate them, call the
police immediately. REMEMBER:
There is no waiting period required to
report a missing child to the police.
Back to the top
Safety Tips for Children
10 SAFETY TIPS EVERY CHILD SHOULD KNOW:
-
Do not get into any car unless your
parents personally tell you to. Also,
stay away from anyone who follows you on
foot or in a car. You do not need and
should not go near a car to talk to the
people inside.
-
Adults and other people who need help
should not be asking a child for help;
they should be asking other adults.
Adults should not be asking you for
directions or to look for a “lost puppy”
or telling you that your mother or
father is in trouble and that they will
take you to them.
-
Quickly get away from anyone who tries
to take you somewhere. Yell or scream,
“This person is not my father (or
mother).”
-
You should use the “buddy system” and
never go places alone. Always ask your
parents’ permission to leave the
yard/play area or to go over to
someone’s home and especially always ask
permission before you go into someone’s
home.
-
Never, never hitchhike! Do not try to
get a ride with people unless your
parents have told you it’s okay to do
so.
-
People should not ask you to keep a
special secret. If they do, tell your
parents or teacher. Also, tell anyone
who wants to take your picture, “No,”
and quickly tell your parents or
teacher.
-
No one should touch you on the parts of
the body covered by your bathing suit,
nor should you touch anyone else in
those areas. Your body is special and
private.
-
You can be assertive and you have the
right to say “No” to someone, including
adults and even relatives or friends who
try to take you somewhere against your
will, touch you, or who makes you feel
uncomfortable in ANY WAY .
-
NOTE
: Many parents use a special code word
that only the child knows to convey a
message should someone other than a
parent ask a child to accompany them
anywhere.
-
THE YELL
: Practice a “Special” yell. It is low,
loud and long. It tells the person
trying to hurt the child, “I know what
to do! I’m not an easy victim!” It tells
everyone within the sound of the child’s
voice, “I need help!” It gets the child
going, it breaks the “spell.” A child
should not panic and freeze, thereby
becoming immobile in an emergency. When
you yell you take a deep breath, thereby
getting oxygen and energy to your brain
and muscles. Your own yell can give you
courage and get your feet moving when
you need to run away!
Back to the top
Internet Safety Tips for Children:
Protecting Children Online
The Internet is a vast new world of
information, entertainment and learning
opportunities, but "cyberspace" also holds
many dangers for children. Fortunately,
there are things you can do to protect your
child.
How to Introduce Your Child to the Internet
-
Explain to your child that even though
he or she may be alone when using the
Internet, other people can connect to
your computer to find out who and where
you are and that precautions must be
taken.
-
Explore the Internet together, letting
your child take the lead.
-
Talk to your child about things that
concern you about the Internet ... like
exploitation, pornography, hate
literature and the like ... so they'll
know what to do if they encounter it.
How to Control Access
-
Choose an online service provider that
enables you to block access to any site
not marked as appropriate for children
... chat rooms, bulletin boards, news
and discussion groups ... or to the
Internet altogether.
-
Buy software that allows you to design
your own set of protective barriers to
block sites and prevent your child from
giving out information online.
-
Look over your child's shoulder from
time to time, not only checking what is
on screen but also watching for
uneasiness or other signs that something
forbidden may be going on.
Teach Your Child to:
-
Let you know right away if he or she
sees anything disturbing online.
-
Never give out any personal information.
-
Never agree to meet someone face-to-face
after encountering them online. • Never
respond to messages that contain obscene
or weird language.
-
Avoid sites that charge for services.
-
Never send personal or family photos to
anyone online without getting permission
from you.
Other Ways to Promote Cyber-Safety
-
Make sure Internet access at school is
controlled and monitored by adults.
-
If your child has a friend with Internet
access, find out from that child's
parents if adequate controls are in
place and if children are monitored when
online.
-
Make sure your child's school has an
Acceptable Use Policy (AUP) that defines
acceptable and unacceptable online
activities and resources, spells out the
consequences for violations, and has a
place for you and your child to sign.
-
If your child receives offensive or
threatening e-mail, save the material as
evidence and contact your local law
enforcement agency immediately.
-
If you encounter a site that's
inappropriate for children, send its
address to online services and sites
that provide blocking software so they
can review it.
Safety Tips for Teens
-
Tell you where they are at all times or
leave a written or recorded message at
home.
-
Never hitchhike.
-
Avoid shortcuts through empty parks,
fields, laneways or alleys.
-
Run home or go to the nearest public
place and yell for help if they are
being followed.
-
Learn to recognize suspicious behavior
and remember a description of the person
or vehicle to give you or the police.
Write the license plate number in the
dirt or snow if nothing else is
available.
-
If attacked for money, jewelry or
clothing give it up rather than risk
injury.
-
Feel that they can talk to you and call
you to pick them up any time, any place.
Internet Safety Tips For Teens (20% of
children receive unwanted online
solicitations)
-
Don’t give out personal information
about yourself, your family situation,
your school, your telephone number, or
your address or your activities.
-
If you become aware of the sharing, use,
or viewing of child pornography online,
immediately report this to the National
Center for Missing & Exploited Children
at 1-800-843-5678.
-
When in chat rooms remember that not
everyone may be who they say they are.
For example a person who says "she" is a
14-year-old girl from New York may
really be a 42-year-old man from
California.
-
If someone harasses you online, says
anything inappropriate, or does anything
that makes you feel uncomfortable,
contact your Internet service provider.
-
Know that there are rules many Internet
Service Providers (ISP) have about
online behavior. If you disobey an ISP's
rules, your ISP may penalize you by
disabling your account, and sometimes
every account in a household, either
temporarily or permanently.
-
Consider volunteering at your local
library, school, or Boys & Girls Club to
help younger children online. Many
schools and nonprofit organizations are
in need of people to help set up their
computers and Internet capabilities.
-
A friend you meet online may not be the
best person to talk to if you are having
problems at home, with your friends, or
at school - remember the teenage "girl"
from New York in Tip number three? If
you can't find an adult in your school,
church, club, or neighborhood to talk
to, Covenant House is a good place to
call at 1-800-999-9999. The people there
provide counseling to kids and teens,
refer them to local shelters, help them
with law enforcement, and can serve as
mediators by calling their parents.
-
If you are thinking about running away,
a friend from online (remember the
14-year-old girl) may not be the best
person to talk to or plan with. If there
is no adult in your community you can
find to talk to, call the National
Runaway Switchboard at 1-800-621-4000.
Although some of your online friends may
seem to really listen to you, the
Switchboard will be able to give you
honest, useful answers to some of your
questions about what to do when you are
depressed, abused, or thinking about
running away.
Back to the top
Dating Safety Tips for Teens
Avoiding Teen Dating Violence
Whether your teen has known her boyfriend or
date for seven years or seven days, she
should be conscious of the person's behavior
at all times and not put her safety at risk.
Pass along these warning signs to your
children so that they can respond
proactively to a threatening situation
rather than reactively. If your date
exhibits these behaviors, he/she is probably
someone you should not date.
-
Acts jealous and possessive.
-
Won't let you have friends.
-
Checks up on you.
-
Refuses to accept breaking up.
-
Bosses you around.
-
Insists on making all decisions.
-
Belittles you and your opinions.
-
Frightens or threatens you.
-
Owns, uses or talks a lot about weapons.
-
Acts violent, getting into fights or
angering quickly.
-
Pushes, grabs, pinches or hits you.
-
Pressures you for sex or gets serious
about your relationship too fast.
-
Uses alcohol or other drugs and
pressures you to do the same.
-
Threatens to hurt him/herself to make
you comply with his or her demands.
-
Demands that you lie to others about
your relationship with him.
-
Has been involved in a number of failed
relationships.
What can your child do to protect herself in
a threatening situation?
Here's some advice you can provide to him or
her:
-
Talk to someone you trust and/or can
help, like a parent, friend, counselor
or clergyman.
-
Tell a school counselor or security
officer what's going on.
-
Make daily notes about the disturbing
behavior.
-
Avoid being alone with your date at
home, school, work or anywhere else.
-
When you go out, tell someone where you
are going, who you are with and when
you'll be back.
-
Plan and rehearse what you will do if
your dating partner gets abusive.
If a friend of yours is a victim of dating
violence, here are some ways you can help:
-
If you see signs of abuse, talk to your
friend about it.
-
Tell your friend that you're worried and
want to help.
-
An abusive partner often undermines the
victim's self-confidence, so point out
your friend's good qualities.
-
Encourage your friend to talk to a
trusted adult, offering to go along.
-
If the situation's getting worse, talk
to an adult yourself, and if you witness
an assault, contact the police, school
principal or other adult immediately.
-
Don't endanger yourself by confronting
the abusive partner.
Want to take an active role helping others
deal with dating violence, consider:
-
Starting a peer education program for
teenagers in your area.
-
Asking your school librarian to purchase
self-help books about dating violence
and domestic violence.
-
Using school bulletin boards and
newspapers to raise awareness about the
problem and how to deal with it.
-
Putting on a play about teen dating
violence.
-
Asking your church or club to consider
this topic in educational classes.
Back to the top
Weekend and Party Safety Issues
-
Don't do ANYTHING
that makes you feel uncomfortable.
People won't look down on you for saying
"no," and if they do, they're not worth
your time.
-
Don't accept any food or drinks from
someone you don't completely trust.
-
Never leave your drink unattended.
-
Don’t drink from punch bowls where you
don’t know what has been put into it.
-
Make sure you have a safe way to get
home.
-
Make sure your parents know where you
are.
-
Beware of drugs like "the date rape
drug." Some drugs can be hard to detect,
and have very serious affects.
-
Try to keep parties under control, even
if it comes to you calling the police.
-
Act responsibly. If you get caught doing
something illegal, not only will you
have to face the consequences, if you're
underage, your parents or guardians can
also be held responsible.
-
Adopt the "buddy system." Go to a party
with a friend, and make sure you leave
with that friend.
-
Don’t drive while intoxicated, and don’t
allow a friend to drive while under the
influence of any substance.
-
Don't hesitate to call 911 if there is a
medical emergency.
Back to the top
PROTECTING COLLEGE STUDENTS & YOUNG ADULTS
College Student Safety Tips
FUNDAMENTALS
-
Freshmen should "respectfully decline"
to have photo and personal information
published for distribution to the campus
community. Fraternities and
upperclassmen and others with access
have abused this type of publication to
"target" naive freshmen.
-
Study the campus and neighborhood with
respect to routes between your residence
and class/activities schedule. Know
where emergency phones are located and
carry a cell phone.
-
Share your class/activities schedule
with parents and a network of close
friends, effectively creating a type of
"buddy" system. Give network telephone
numbers to your parents, advisors, and
friends.
-
Always travel in groups. Use a shuttle
service after dark. Never walk alone at
night. Avoid "shortcuts" and don’t be
the last person out of the library at
night.
-
Survey the campus, academic buildings,
residence halls, and other facilities
while classes are in session and after
dark to see that buildings, walkways,
quad-rangles, and parking lots are
adequately secured, lit and patrolled.
Are emergency phones, escorts, and
shuttle services adequate?
To gauge the social scene, drive down
fraternity row on weekend nights and stroll
through the student hangouts. Are people
behaving responsibly, or does the situation
seem reckless and potentially dangerous?
Remember, alcohol and/or drug abuse is
involved in about 90% of campus crime.
Carefully evaluate off-campus student
apartment complexes and fraternity houses if
you plan to live off-campus.
-
Do not give your name and address to
strangers.
-
Do not give out personal information
over the telephone to people you do not
know. (SS #, credit card #'s, driver's
license #'s, address, etc.)
-
When leaving your residence hall,
campus, etc., let someone know where you
are going.
-
Walk with a friend. It is less likely
that something would happen if there
were two of you.
-
Never walk alone at night. Many college
security and safety departments offer an
escort service that provides you with
the assurance of safe travel on campus.
-
Have your key ready to open your car
doors, especially at night. Your keys
can be a defensive weapon.
-
Look inside your car before entering;
also check vehicle for possible
break-ins. Assailants sometimes hide in
the back seat of a vehicle or even under
it.
-
Personal property should never be left
unattended, even if it is only for a few
minutes. Remember, take it with you or
lock it up. Take your books and book
bags to your table when you go to eat
and don’t leave your purse, wallet, or
other valuables alone.
-
Always make sure that the office or
classroom door is locked if you should
be working or studying late. Remember;
never prop any door open for someone
else.
-
You should report all incidents
involving vandalism, theft, damage or
persons in the residence hall that are
not escorted or are suspicious in
nature.
-
When leaving your residence hall room,
whether it is to visit a next-door
neighbor or to use the restroom, always
lock the door and take the key. Lock
your door, even if you only plan on
being gone a few minutes.
-
Avoid keeping high value items and large
amounts of cash in your residence. For
valued items you do keep on hand, keep
them out of sight and well hidden. The
same procedure applies to your credit
card, checkbook, and your unused check
supply as well.
-
Engrave items of value and be sure to
maintain a record of serial numbers of
such items as personal computers, TVs,
radios, stereos, answering machines,
cameras, etc. A copy of this record
should also be maintained at another
offsite location. You should engrave
your driver's license # and state on
items. Driver's license #'s are easier
for police to track.
-
Don't let strangers in the building or
allow them to "tailgate" or follow you
through after you open the door.
-
Do not lend your room key, residence
hall key, give out the residence hall
door combination. The residence hall is
like your home, nobody should enter same
without you wanting them there. These
are college violations.
-
Entrance doors to the residence halls
should never be propped open. The locks
are designed to allow only residence of
the hall to have access. Propping doors
open will allow non-residences to enter,
jeopardizing yours and everyone else's
safety.
-
All visitors, student and non-student,
are required at all times to be escorted
while in a residence hall by the person
they are visiting.
-
All visitors are to be escorted out of
the residence halls when leaving.
-
All suspicious person(s) need to be
reported immediately to your RA, RD or
Security.
-
All crimes need to be reported
immediately to your RA, RD or Security.
-
Do not leave notes on your door that you
are not there. That is an invitation for
some unwanted person to enter your room.
-
Keep your shades drawn when changing
clothes or retiring for the night.
-
Purchase locking devices if you have
your own computer and printer in your
room.
Back to the top
Apartment Safety Tips
Do you think you, your roommate/family, and
your belongings are safe in your apartment?
Are you sure? Do you know what you should be
looking for when you look for an apartment
or analyze your home security?
-
Get to know both your neighbors and the
neighborhood. Be aware of what's
happening in the area, especially if any
of your neighbors have been victims of
burglary
-
Make sure there is adequate lighting in
all exterior areas of the complex. If
you believe there is an area that needs
more light, notify the landlord, and ask
neighbors to do the same. Your landlord
is required by law to provide you with a
safe environment. Also notify the
maintenance office immediately if you
notice burnt out bulbs in any lights in
exterior or common areas.
-
Make sure your door has a dead bolt in
addition to any knob lock. Don't rely on
either locks in knobs or on chains. Your
door should also have a peephole (if you
have children, consider getting one at
their height, too). You can ask the
landlord to replace or re-key your dead
bolt and install a peephole. If he won’t
do it, see about doing it at your own
expense (don't forget to give a key to
the landlord if you are required to
under the lease).
-
If you have a security system in the
building -- use it. Don't ever buzz
strangers into the building or allow
strangers to enter the building when you
are either entering or leaving.
-
Be careful when using laundry or other
common facilities after dark. Consider
doing laundry, swimming, working out,
etc. with a buddy. If these facilities
have locking doors, make sure they are
locked, and don't let anyone in who
doesn't have a key.
-
Make sure any windows accessible from
the ground, balconies, or fire escapes
have stops to prevent them opening
enough to let a person through. A long
screw in the frame is enough to stop a
window from opening more than a couple
of inches while still allowing
ventilation.
-
If you have a sliding glass door, use a
stop of some sort in the track to keep
the door from opening more than a few
inches (a steel or wooden dowel is
inexpensive and effective). You should
also install screws in the frame to
prevent the entire door from being
removed.
-
Make sure you have adequate smoke
detectors, especially outside the
kitchen and bedrooms. Check your
detectors regularly and replace
batteries at least twice a year. Make
sure any necessary carbon monoxide or
natural gas detectors are also working
and maintained.
-
Purchase fire extinguishers. There
should be one accessible from the
bedrooms, and one in the kitchen.
Ideally the extinguishers should be
rated ABC (for all three major types of
fire) -- the extinguisher in the kitchen
should have a definite B rating (for
grease and other flammable liquids).
-
Know all routes of escape from your
apartment in case of fire. Inexpensive
collapsible ladders by bedroom windows
will ensure escape should a fire block
other exits. Make sure your entire
room/family can exit directly from your
apartment to the outdoors, and practice.
-
Don't advertise your absence by leaving
notes for maintenance personnel,
children, neighbors, etc., on your door
or mailbox.
-
Single women should never have their
full names listed in the phone book or
posted on buzzers or mailboxes. Try to
get your neighbors to all agree to use
initials on buzzers and mailboxes. If
you live alone, try putting two initials
on the buzzer.
-
Don't hide a spare key outside. If you
want, find a neighbor you trust and make
a deal to keep each other's spare keys.
Having to pay a locksmith to get you in
is still cheaper than losing your
valuables when a thief finds the key.
-
Don't have your entire address listed in
the phone book -- list only your street
name or just the town or city. Reverse
listings can allow thieves to find your
phone number and name from your address.
-
Get renters insurance. If anything were
to happen, you'd at least be able to
replace your belongings.
-
Keep an inventory of your valuables.
Photographs of expensive jewelry and
serial numbers of all electronic and
computer equipment should be kept in a
fireproof safe or safe deposit box.
Etching your driver's license number on
your electronics can identify them in
the case of theft (many police
departments offer this etching as a free
service).
-
Talk to your local police department
about having a security check -- many
will do them for free.
-
Consider starting a neighborhood watch
program in your complex or community.
-
If you are really concerned, there are a
number of wireless home security systems
perfect for apartment dwellers.
Back to the top
10 Tips for Online Dating Safety
-
Start Slow.
Watch out for someone who seems too good
to be true. Experience suggests they
probably are. Begin by first
communicating solely via email. Be on
the lookout for odd behavior or
inconsistencies. “Listen” to your
correspondent’s words. The person at the
other end may not be who or what he/she
says. Trust your instincts. If anything
makes you uncomfortable, walk away for
your own safety and protection.
-
Guard Your Anonymity.
Never include your last name, real email
address, personal Web site URL, home
address, phone number, place of work, or
any other identifying information in
your profile or in the initial emails
you exchange with others. Make sure your
email signature file is turned off, or
does not include identifying
information, when corresponding with
dating service member via your own
email. Stop communicating with anyone
who pressures you for this information
or attempts in any way to trick you into
revealing it. Take all the time you need
to become comfortable with someone
before revealing any person contact
information. Ask questions and make sure
you are satisfied with the answers.
Trust your instincts, move cautiously
and be selective. Don’t feel responsible
to provide personal information just
because the other person does; he/she
may not be honest in what they provide.
-
Exercise Caution and Common Sense.
Careful, well-thought-out decisions
generally lead to better results in
dating, and this is certainly true with
online dating. Guard against trusting
the untrustworthy. Any potential suitor
must earn your trust gradually, through
consistently honorable, forthright
behavior. Your job is to take all the
time you need to test for a trustworthy
person, and pay careful attention along
the way. Take a relatively conservative
approach to trusting anyone you meet
online. If you think someone is lying,
it is likely that they are, so act
accordingly. Move on to someone you can
eventually trust. Conduct yourself and
your romances in a responsible manner.
Don’t fall in love at the click of a
mouse. Don’t become prematurely intimate
with someone, even if that intimacy only
occurs online.
-
Request a Photo.
A photo will give you a good idea of the
person's appearance, which may prove
helpful in achieving a gut feeling about
your correspondent. In fact, it’s best
to view several images of this person in
a variety of settings: casual, formal,
indoor, outdoors. If he or she
continuously comes up with an excuse, it
may be because that person has something
to hide. Getting a photo scanned is less
than ten dollars at Kinko’s, so there is
little excuse for not doing it.
-
Talk Via Telephone.
A phone call can reveal much about a
person’s communication and social
skills. It is worth the cost of the call
to protect your security. But do not
give out your personal phone number to a
stranger. Try a cell phone number
instead for added security. Or make
arrangements to call from a pay phone so
the other person’s caller ID won’t
record your number. Only when you feel
completely comfortable should you
furnish your phone number.
-
Meet When YOU Are Ready.
The beauty of meeting and relating
online is that you can gradually collect
information and then make a choice about
pursuing the relationship in the real
world. You are never obligated to meet
anyone, regardless of your level of
online intimacy. And even if you do
decide to arrange a meeting, you always
have the right to change your mind. It’s
possible that your decision to keep the
relationship at the anonymous level is
based on a hunch that you can’t
logically explain. Trust yourself. Go
with your gut instincts, even when they
can’t be logically explained1 Never meet
someone who argues against your
instincts, finds logical flaws with your
feelings, or pressures you in any way.
-
Watch for Red Flags.
Pay attention to any displays of anger,
intense frustration or attempts at
pressuring or controlling you. Acting in
a passive-aggressive manner, making
demeaning or disrespectful comments or
any physically inappropriate behavior
are all red flags. You should also be
concerned if your date exhibits any of
the following conduct without providing
an acceptable explanation:
• Provides inconsistent information about
age, interests, appearance, marital status,
profession, employment, etc.
• Refuses to speak to you on the phone after
establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
• Fails to provide direct answers to direct
questions.
• Appears in person to be significantly
different from his or her online persona.
• Never introduces you to friends,
professional associates or family members.
-
Select the Safest Possible Environment.
When you make the choice to meet
offline, always tell someone where you
are going and when you will return.
Leave your date’s name and telephone
number with that person. Never arrange
for your date to pick you up at home or
where you work. Provide your own
transportation, meet in a public place
at a time when many people are present,
and when the date is over, leave on your
own as well. A familiar restaurant or
coffee shop, at a time when a lot of
other people will be present is often a
fine choice. Avoid hikes, bike rides or
drives in remote areas for the first few
dates. If you decide to move to another
location, take your own car. When the
timing is appropriate, thank your date
for getting together and say goodbye.
-
Take Extra Caution Outside Your Area.
If you are flying in from another area,
arrange for your own car and a hotel
room. Do not disclose the name of your
hotel and never allow your date to make
the arrangements for you. Rent a car at
the airport and drive directly to your
hotel. Call your date from the hotel or
meet at the location you have already
agreed to. If the location seems
inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your
hotel. Try to contact your date at that
location, or leave a message on voice
mail or an answering machine. Always
make sure a friend or family member
knows your plans and has your contact
information. And if possible, carry a
cell phone at all times.
-
Get Yourself Out of a Jam
. Never do anything you feel unsure
about. If you are in any way afraid of
your date or arrangements your date
suggests, use your best judgment to
diffuse the situation and get out of
there. Excuse yourself long enough to
call a friend for advice, ask someone
else on the scene for help, or slip out
the back door and drive away. If you
feel you are in danger, call the police.
It’s always better to be safe than
sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed
about your apprehensions or your
behavior. Your safety is much more
important than any one person’s opinion
of you.
While liars, cheaters and imposters
certainly ply their craft on the Web, you’ll
also find them in nightclubs, among the
membership ranks of off-line dating
services, at cocktail parties, and
occasionally sitting across from you at your
local café. Regardless of where, or how, you
meet someone, dating is never a risk-free
activity. Bottom Line - A little caution
will reduce your risk in these matters of
the heart.
Back to the top
WOMEN'S SECURITY ISSUES
Almost two million women are physically
assaulted annually in the United States, and
15 to 25 percent of all American women will
report a sexual attack or rape at some time
in their lives, this according to studies
conducted by the Justice Department and
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
A majority of the women seen in hospital
emergency rooms across the country have been
the victim of assault, mainly by men that
they know. The sad fact is that about 90% of
rapes occur between people who already knew
each other and that approximately half of
rapes happen on dates. This is commonly
known as date rape. Date Rape is forced or
coerced sex between; partners, dates,
friends, friends of friends or general
acquaintances.
Experts say that because the majority of
sexual assaults go unreported, the numbers
from these studies may represent only a
fraction of the violent of crimes against
women.
But while these numbers may seem
frighteningly high, safety authorities are
quick to point out that women need not view
themselves as helpless victims. Crime and
safety specialists have suggested the
following as the most effective precautions
a woman can take when walking alone to keep
herself from becoming an assault statistic:
Dress to Kill. Clogs, high heels, and tight
skirts are hard to run and fight in, while
scarves and long necklaces are easy to grab.
If possible, modify your fashion style or
wear comfortable clothing when walking
alone. You can always change into dress
clothes later. Or, think through how you
would fight in your dress clothes. Would you
kick off your high heels or hike your skirt
up around your hips to run or kick; would
you use a high heel as a weapon?
Make Eye Contact. It may be your first
instinct to lower your gaze as you walk to
your destination, but looking straight into
the face of potential assailants is the
better option. Eye contact is important as
such may scare off attackers because they
fear you will be able to identify them.
Keep your Eyes and Ears Open and your Hands
Free. It is important to be alert to whom and
what is around you. Talking on a cell phone
or listening to headphones makes you a
likely target as well as easy prey for a
predator. The only reason you should be
using your cell phone is notify a friend of
your whereabouts or to call for help. Also,
limit the number of bundles you have to
carry by using a backpack or bag with a
shoulder strap. This will ensure that your
hands are free to defend. Be prepared to
surrender your backpack or purse as opposed
to becoming the victim of a violent assault.
Be Lazy; Take the Elevator Over the
Stairs. And when in the elevator, stand in
front of the doors, and then if someone you
feel uneasy about gets on with you, you can
step off immediately.
Fight Your Inner Woman. Experts say that
women tend to be sympathetic — don't be!
History has shown that serial killers and
other criminals often play on the sympathies
of unsuspecting women to lure them into
dangerous situations. If someone asks for
the time, directions, or help in or around
their car, be as courteous as possible but
keep moving, and definitely move away from
the potential assailant. You can always
assist the stranger by making a phone call
to police from a safe location, or by
finding others to go back and help with you.
Change It Up. Regularly change your walking
routine. Plan out a few different routes
that you can take and mark out "safe houses"
in your mind at intervals along the way. In
the event of attacks, you can stop at these
shops or homes where you know you will be
safe. Try to incorporate these houses every
time you vary your route. If you feel you
are being followed, retrace your steps to
the last safe location, and/or walk in the
opposite direction of the person or vehicle
that you are suspicious of.
Be Paranoid and Suspicious. It is always
better to be safe than sorry. When in a
parking lot, look at the cars parked on
either side of your vehicle. If a male in a
vehicle is sitting alone in the seat nearest
your car, or if you are parked next to a
van, always enter your car from the side
opposite the strange vehicle. If the parking
lot is particularly dark or deserted, it may
be wise to go back and find a friend or
guard who can walk you to your car. Don’t be
the last person out of a location and be
forced to walk alone in a dark and/or nearly
empty parking lot and look in your vehicle’s
back seat to insure no one is hiding there
before you enter, then get in your vehicle
and lock your doors immediately.
When It's Too Late
If you are in a violent situation, the most
important thing is to react immediately.
Never Get Into a Stranger's Car. Even if he
has a gun or knife. Run, fight do whatever
you can to stay out of that car because you
are statistically "dead" if he gets you in
there.
Run, Run, Run. If the predator has a gun but
you are not under his control, take off
running. Even if the predator shoots at you,
they will only hit you, a running target,
four out of every 100 shots. And even then,
it most likely will not be a vital organ,
and they will leave you as they flee the
location. Put as much distance between you
and your assailant as you can and don’t be a
willing or compliant victim.
Stay Put. Do not let your attacker take you
to an abandoned area. If he does, the
likelihood that you will be seriously
injured increases tenfold. You do not want
to get to "crime scene number two," so do
whatever it takes and never, never give up.
Hit the Attacker Where It Counts. The eyes,
knees, throat and groin are very vulnerable,
good places to gouge and kick. But listen to
your instincts and try to determine if a
counter attack by you is the best approach.
If you do decide to fight, make sure your
first move is as forceful as possible. It
may be your only hope.
Try Anything and Everything. Additional
approaches are offering your wallet, jumping
out at a stoplight, doing something to cause
an vehicle accident, or signaling to other
drivers. If you are thrown into the trunk of
a car, experts advise you to kick out the
back tail lights, stick your arm out the
hole, and start waving wildly. The driver
won't see you but everyone else will. This
trick is said to have saved lives.
Back to the top
Victim Profile
The #1 thing men look for in a potential
victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to
go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid
or other hairstyle that can easily be
grabbed. They are also likely to go after a
woman with long hair. Women with short hair
are not as common targets.
Assailants also look for women on their cell
phone, searching through their purse or
doing other activities while walking because
they are off guard and can be easily
overpowered.
The time of day men are most likely to
attack and rape a woman is in the early
morning, between 5 and 8:30 a.m.
The number one place women are abducted from
or attacked is at a grocery store parking
lot. Number two is office parking
lots/garages, and number three is public
restrooms. These assailants are looking to
grab a woman and quickly move her to a
second, secluded location where they don't
have to worry about getting being seen or
caught.
Only 2% of the rapists interviewed said they
carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5
year sentence but rape with a weapon is
15-20 years.
Therefore, if you put up any kind of a fight
at all, your assailant may become
discouraged, this as it only takes a minute
or two for him/them to realize that going
after you isn't worth it because it will be
time-consuming. The rapists interviewed said
they will not pick on women who have
umbrellas or other similar objects in their
hands that can be used from a distance. Keys
are not necessarily a deterrent because you
have to get really close to the attacker to
use them as a weapon, but they may be better
than nothing. So, the idea is to convince
these guys you're not worth the challenge.
Back to the top
Several defense mechanisms
If someone is following you on the street or
in a garage or with you in an elevator or
stairwell and if you feel they are
suspicious, look them in the face and ask
them a question, like what time is it, or
make general small talk: "I can't believe it
is so cold out here, we're in for a bad
winter." “I’ve seen you before somewhere
haven’t I?” Now you've seen their face and
could identify them in a lineup, so you may
lose appeal as a target.
If someone is coming toward you, hold out
your hands in front of you and yell "Stop"
or "Stay back!" Most of the rapists said
they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or
showed that she would not be afraid to fight
back. Again, they are looking for an EASY
target. If you carry pepper spray (many self
defense instructors advocate it) and suggest
that you yell "I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY" and hold
it out as both a deterrent and to be ready
to use it if necessary, i.e., don’t have to
look in your purse for it.
If someone grabs you, you probably can't
beat them with strength on strength, but you
can outsmart them. If they grab your wrist,
pull your wrist back so your hand is in
waving position (palm facing forward) and
twist it toward yourself and pull your arm
away. It is hard to hold onto wrist bones
that are moving in that way. They stumble
toward you and you stumble back, so you can
use that momentum to backhand them with your
knuckles in the forehead, nose or teeth. If
you are grabbed around the waist from
behind, pinch the attacker either under the
arm between the elbow and armpit, or in the
upper inner thigh, and do it HARD. Try
pinching yourself in those places as hard as
you can stand it; it hurts!
After the initial hit, always go for the
groin. It is extremely painful if you slap a
guy's testicles (do not be afraid, your life
may be at stake!). You might think that
you'll make the potential rapist really mad
and make him want to hurt you more, but most
rapists interviewed reported that they want
a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble.
Start causing trouble, and he'll likely run
off.
If he puts his hands up to grab you, grab
his first two fingers and bend them back as
far as possible with as much pressure
pushing down on them as possible. This is a
hold similar to that taught to swimming life
guards to allow them to save themselves from
a drowning victim who is trying to take the
guard with them.
Of course the advice we always hear still
applies. Always be aware of your
surroundings, take someone with you if you
can and if you see any odd behavior, don't
dismiss it, and always go with your
instincts. You may feel a little silly at
the time, but you'd feel much worse if the
guy really was trouble. You want to identify
potentially threatening situations and avoid
them. Don’t intentionally walk into harm’s
way and trust your instincts: if the
situation doesn’t feel right, it probably
isn’t!
Back to the top
56 Tips for Stalking Victims
The below represent a compilation of
suggestions gathered from many victims of
stalkers, law enforcement agencies, security
consultants and other experts in this field.
Not all will be appropriate in each and
every case, and each suggestion should be
considered on its own merits and on the
anticipated benefit you may derive, vs. the
potential negative effect each could bring
about.
-
Ignore the individual
-
Be clear and unambiguous that the
relationship is over, or that you do not
desire a relationship
-
Do not give reasons for break up
-
Do not let the stalker see your concern
-
Cut off all contact with the stalker
-
Do not have someone else intervene in
your behalf
-
Answering machine should not say "Not at
Home" but rather simply state your
telephone number (also use a voice other
than your own on the answering machine)
-
Use caller ID or contact telephone
company
-
Obtain an unlisted phone number
-
Make sure house address is clearly
marked and that it is visible from the
street, so police and rescue personnel
can respond easily
-
Get a dog
-
Do not allow strangers in your house
-
Keep address and schedule secret
-
Inquire about laws concerning your
situation
-
Notify authorities every time stalker
bothers you and keep copies of the
reports
-
Treat all threats as legitimate and call
police every time the stalker shows up
-
Press charges every time and have a term
of his bond be that he can not contact
you
-
Ask for periodic police drive-bys
-
Obtain a restraining order
-
You usually should not ask the police to
go and just visit the stalker, for if
the police do not arrest him, the
stalker could feel that his target's
best defense was useless
-
Go public
-
Send a registered letter telling person
to stop; this can be sent from your
attorney
-
Photograph the stalker
-
Use a video camera to tape the stalker
and things that he does
-
Keep a log of stalking activities
-
Have witnesses to testify
-
Keep all written materials received from
the suspect
-
Document all medical reports of physical
abuse
-
Take photos of wounds, bruises and acts
of vandalism
-
Join a support group
-
Vary your routine
-
Limit time spent walking alone or along
the same route
-
Notify neighbors and coworkers about the
situation and give them a photo of the
stalker and tell them to notify you if
they see him
-
If you need to, get an unlisted phone
number for day to day business, and
leave an answering machine on your
listed or known phone number to let the
unwanted person leave their messages
-
Have mail screened (by whom?)
-
Have coworkers screen calls and visitors
(use phone mail and its mechanical-like
voice answering capability)
-
Have coworkers check with each other to
see if someone is calling them all
-
Alert security personnel at work
-
Stay in public areas and try not to
travel alone
-
Get a car (cellular) telephone
-
Children should be accompanied to the
bus or to school
-
Do not park in garages that require the
keys to your car
-
Lock car door when traveling and be
aware of other cars
-
Rent a mailbox from a private service
-
Ask for a free home security check-up
-
Lock fuse box, car, garage, trim hedges
by windows
-
Equip gas tank with a lock and the hood
release should be inside the car
-
Install deadbolts; if all the keys can
not be accounted for change the locks
-
Install outside lighting (motion
detectors)
-
Secure car and house at all times and
install alarms in both
-
If you move, do not leave a paper trail
-
Take name off all properties and entrust
them to a trusted friend or relative
-
Change jobs
-
Hire a private security guard
-
Have a contingency plan that includes:
(a) quick access to important phone
numbers
(b) packed suitcase
(c) reserved money Alert critical people
to situation and plan
-
Take legal action other than a TRO
Back to the top
Domestic Violence
If you feel you are in danger from your
abuser at any time, you can call 911 or your
local police. Various anti-domestic violence
organizations, police departments and your
employer may be able to provide you with a
cell phone that is programmed to only call
911. These phones are for when you need to
call the police and cannot call any other
phone. If you can afford it, have your own
cell phone.
Consider the following:
-
If you are in danger when the police
come, they can protect you.
-
They can help you and your children
leave your home safely.
-
They can arrest your abuser when they
have enough proof that you have been
abused.
-
They can arrest your abuser if a
personal protection order (PPO) has been
violated.
-
When the police come, tell them
everything the abuser did that made you
call.
-
If you have been hit, tell the police
where. Tell them how many times it
happened. Show them any marks left on
your body. Marks may take time to show
up. If you see a mark after the police
leave, call the police to take pictures
of the marks. They may be used in court.
-
If your abuser has broken any property,
show the police.
-
The police can give you information on
domestic violence programs and shelters.
-
The police must make a report saying
what happened to you. Police reports can
be used in court if your abuser is
charged with a crime.
-
Get the officers' names, badge numbers,
and the report number in case you need a
copy of the report.
-
A police report can be used to help you
get a PPO.
Get support from friends and family
Tell your supportive family, friends and
co-workers what has happened.
Find a safe place
It is not fair. You should not have to leave
your home because of what your abuser has
done. But sometimes it is the only way you
will be safe. There are shelters that can
help you move to a different city or state.
The police can refer you to such an
organization.
Get medical help
If you have been hurt, go to the hospital or
your doctor. Domestic violence advocates
(people to help you) may be called to the
hospital. They are there to give you
support. You may ask medical staff to call
one for you.
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